Pappa wants mamma naked
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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