I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
