we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
