Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
