I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
