Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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