i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
