Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
