He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
