if you like me you must not know who I am
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
