I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
