mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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