I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I touched a dick in church today
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
