i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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