He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
