First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize