upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
