he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Success! We fucked roommates!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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