And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
