We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
