Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
