I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
