Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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