So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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