Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I smell like Dick and happiness
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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