he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
