I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
