sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She's the barista slut.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
