did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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