I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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