At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
