You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize