Someone shit on the floor
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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