We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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