I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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