what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
barbara walters just said penis...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
