Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
