i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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