new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
