I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I queefed so loud it echoed.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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