He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
