Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Shame - the story of my life.
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