i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
