Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
