Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
