Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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