go do what you do best...puke behind churches
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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