I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Let's paint friendship bongs
Mom said you looked used
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
