does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
