I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
