did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
