I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
