So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize