Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
