Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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