Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
