So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
