Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
