david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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