Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
