Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
this is an emotional support booty call
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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