WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
More tranny stories later!
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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