hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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