i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Please don't give away my fajitas
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
