I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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