I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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