If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Randomize
