Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
