so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
