too bad you live with your parents still
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
