I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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