my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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