I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
