Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
