Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I fill condoms, not promises.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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