So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
