i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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