just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
