Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize